The Rs. 100 crore Garbage

A great man had once said - Opinions are like assholes. Everybody's got one.

Indians have liked Jaws, Titanic and National Treasure and no one has questioned the logic behind the story for any of the scenes. But when a desi director does international quality work, everyone sits up and puts in their two bits of opinion. Here goes my 2 cents too - True blue style !

Exotic locales, world class bike races, mesmerizing underwater scenes, stunning Lara Dutta, visual treats all around, beautiful Bahamas, exhilarating action sequences, gorgeous bikinis...everything pushed the ooomph meter to unprecedented levels. Its a Roller coaster ride, high on adrenaline, with Lara Dutta leaving the viewers asking and gasping for more, and much more.

Back to Reality.

Sanjay Dutt is a sea diver, when he should be farting his way up in the sky like a hot balloon. Zayed Khan, who cannot act for nuts, should not even be admitted to the sets for free. I wish the director had used his pay to bring in more sharks to add some thrill to an otherwise expensive 100 crore trash which feels like watching National Geographic on a Monday night with stand up comedians instead of predator sharks.

Inane direction, bad dialogues, hilarious expressions are all that I can think of. Sharks swim peacefully around, and make you think if they are actually vegetarian. A coveted treasure in the middle of the ocean, whose exact route Sanjay Dutt manages to remember light years later. Non existent script, ridiculous dialogues and lack luster music, the movie started in stle and ended up blowing everybody's mind. Yes. Mindblowing Garbage.

Finally, the movie runs around in circles and ends up ridiculously narrating stories about dead family members and to-be girlfriends turning out to be the wife of a best friend. Not to talk about the accent though, Kylie Minogue would have had a better shot in speaking Hindi than Kats.

Flashy exterior. Garbage inside.

You might want to buy something for your someone special, or might as well as donate money to charity..but watch this at your own risk.

Role of HR in M&A’s

An article which I submitted for an event at XLRI.

Investment bankers have a narrower training, and are rewarded for making deals; human issues tend to get lost or overlooked.

Before, during, and after the merger, HR may be responsible for assuring that cultural issues do not derail integration; for increasing innovation; for keeping communication going in all directions (upwards, downwards, across departments, across organizations); and for lessening the impact on those who are “survivors”.

In pre-acquisition phase things that need to be taken care of:

• An assessment of the cultural and organizational differences, which will include the organizational cultures, role of leaders in the organization, life cycle of the organization, and the management styles.
• To ensure that both organizations have a strategy mapped out in advance. Once the merger starts taking place, people will often be too busy to keep a strategic perspective.
• Communications to employees and customers as to where layoffs will take place (if any do), and how the cultures should be merged.

During the merger, HR plays an important role in:

• Communication – As people look inwards to try to find their place in the merged company and attempt to see their future in it – or outside it – productivity drops. Consistent and honest communication from the HR is very essential.
• Power and Conflicts – HR can help bring out conflicts to the surface and deal with power issues honestly. Employees often get wrapped up in turf wars which are destructive to both sides, rather than trying to figure out roles for both sides and have a win-win situation.
• Culture – HR may need to raise the issue of culture – how people work, how they think, what they value, and how they view the other organization. These issues must be addressed up front.
• Operations – In many mergers and takeovers, power relationships determine operational changes, rather than actual efficiencies or quality concerns. By making changes with facilitated cross-platform teams, HR can help to ensure that the best of the two organizations are preserved.

Post-acquisition, HR would have the following critical roles:

• Power equations between management and trade unions (if any) needs to be dealt with utmost care. These are the issues which are very brittle.
• Designations for the employees
• Compensation structure and performance appraisal systems

HR no longer plays a dormant role and is emerging as a strategic business partner where key initiatives undertaken such as communication, training, counseling, career planning, support workshops, building trust, coaching and compensation planning, have significant business impact.

Conversations

'Why me?', I ask God, 'Why me?'

'You're the chosen one', he says, 'You've got to be.'

'But God, I'm good for nothing, do not test my soul',

'You're wrong son, you are a star trapped in a black hole'.

Gleam in the Dark

The dark night spreads like the sea

Like waves of an endless song

My mind beckons to me

Ushering me to move along

My body feels like a cocoon

I do not feel any stars or the moon

My heart is heavy and grows stiffer

Everything seems a fading whisper.

This isn't who I am.

My head aches so deadly

The needle pushes not so gently

Fighting a feeling makes me shiver

Eyes full of blood it makes me wonder

The room is spinning, the clouds are parting

The clock is cracking, in the emptyness I am drowning

How I wish for the night to freeze

How I pray for a moment in the breeze

How I long for my life's essence

How I want to hear the sounds of silence.

I see a star in the distant sky

Radiant beam lights up my eye

Oh yes, a shooting star in the sky

I watch as the fire tail trails by

They say shooting stars come once in a while

Make sure you make your wish before they die

I make a wish, hope it comes true

I have always done, I have waited, but they never do.

I take it upon myself the task

To resurrect my life, others I cannot ask

I tread through the trail awaiting the end

On this road I can only ascend

What lies at the end is the answer to all

The higher I go, the further I fall

I will do what I do best

For men are always put to the extremes of test

I will stand up and give it my all

For if I do that, my soul shall not fall.

Faceless

Faceless I was

In the burning summer of '09

Woke up before the sunrays could beam

Suffering insomnia,

Sacheted to the kitchen for a cup of cold coffee cream

Yawned and blinked my eyes upto the mirror

I felt a surge

The coffee was tasteless

My mirror image was faceless.

Went to work

Computers and copiers, corners and bookcases

All had become malingent edges

I turned the monitor on

My heart leaped

Faceless figures all around

Who could speak no words, could hear no sound

I felt senseless

Everyone was faceless.

Went out to the greens

To inhale and rejuvenate

My spirit of being a human

Killing the self professional demon

It had taken over my mind

It was eating away at my soul

My throat burned with fear

My stomach growled even more

In my mind I was still looking into the mirror

Yet I did not know who I see

All that I knew

That faceless figure couldn't be me.

I came back home

There he was

I grabbed myself in anger

Or was it more in fright

I was just shocked

To see that sight

A shadow black as night

I laughed and then cried

Crumbled to the floor

Felt like a dream

Unlike I had ever seen before

Abandoned, broken hearted, powerless

Crushed under the powerful lord of darkness

I saw him, I saw my soul

I was him, he was faceless...

People. Politics. Power. PM

Those are the 4 P's which have been revolving around the great Indian democracy for the last couple of months.

It all started with the cash rich political parties who left no stones unturned to woo the voters, both rural and urban. Of course rural population holds more weight for them as they are more easily influenced by the Pink Elephant like imaginary promises made by our netas. During the campaigning season, the political parties as well as the government somehow forget their primary job i.e., running the country. They are more concerned about how to come to power for the next 5 years. Pathetic.

Then its time for the people. Yes, it includes the great middle class of India who are expected to come in large numbers to vote during the D-day but somehow the voting percentage which is announced polls reflect otherwise. Most of them are too lazy to come out to vote, a greater majority do not have their names in the voting lists and some think one vote would not count much. Disappointing.

Then there is the Vote for India like campaigns. Rightly so. They say opinion is like an asshole, everybody has one. But Jeffery Archer puts it correctly, 'If they do not vote, they should shut up, they do not have any right to an opinion'. 714 million people, that is the number of voters in our country. A number which mesmerizes the developed world. An election of such magnitude to be conducted more or less flawlessly from the highest point in Ladakh to a village in the eastern Assam where a polling booth was setup for just 3 voters. Amazing.

Then there are the political parties and the players. Permutations, combinations, bribes, public abuses, apologies, friends, enemies...we have seen it all. Its a drama of the most unimaginable nature, where political candidates are least ashamed to portray themselves in the public. Not to forget the latest trend of shoe throwing. Power is the final destination. Power to control the country. power to fulfill personal desires, power to be the leader, power to run the greatest democracy in the world. There is also the power to make India a better place to live in, the power to make India a SuperBrand, the power to lift it to greater heights, but these powers are not the ones which everybody likes to have. Floyd says, 'Money, it's a gas. Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash. New car, caviar, four star daydream, Think I'll buy me a football team.' True.

And then there is the PM, the Prime Minister. A magical post which has enchanted everybody from Advani to Jayalalitha to Mayavati to Nitish Kumar. I hate to imagine if somebody like Mayavati becomes the PM. What is she going to speak when she goes on the World Economic Forum conferences. The post has seen a lot of mockery over the years. As TOI one day reported, people who retire at age 60 are not deemed fit to work, they very reason why they are given a respectable exit channel from the companies. But as a counter view, as Indian politics need the youth, they also need elderly statesmen to guide and transition them. But some of our elderly statesmen consider the seats of power inherited. There are no friends or enemies here. The political system of India works on the strategy of opportunism. Do not let go of power. If not own it, buy a stake and you will rejoice. Unbelievable.

And finally the results today show UPA to be in a comfortable position to make it through. It does not really matter which party comes to power. What matters more is that one party gets most of the majority and they make a stable government, not a government with 10 strings attached to different directions and all directions exerting forces to pull it down. A stable government is what the Indian economy needs too and I would be surprised if the markets do not show an upward trend this Monday. Hopefully wisdom will prevail and the ministers who make it to the top chairs think about the country first and not work for their personal vendetta. Wishful Thinking, but that is what India needs.

Shifting parties, never-imagined alliances, players with not one but many faces. That, has been the bewildering landscape of Elections 2009.